I am a music lover, an almost-a-musician but not professionally trained.
So, let’s say I am ‘a narcissistic musician’ because nobody considers me as a professional singer, but I still prepare to sing
as if I were a professional…except daily practice…if you know what I mean.
I am delighted with arts and always look for chances to indulge myself with fine arts and music, from classical to contemporary. Especially, Italian opera is in my heart. No wonder I wanted to be an opera singer and that was why I came to America almost 30 years ago.
However, God one-sidedly intervened in my plan even before I took the first step and wildly turned the direction to who I am today. I have no problem with it!
I am an ordained Presbyterian pastor, but my sole identity (true self) is “God’s beloved” nothing more or less.
I thought I was an early bloomer, but life didn’t go as I thought it would go. I’ve experienced so many failures, and I have blown countless blessings from God because of my blind pride and distorted self-love. When I reached a dead-end alley of my life, I finally started looking at myself with unbiased eyes. I realized for the first time in my life that I was an impossible sinner, and then I finally discovered the true value of God’s grace and love for me. Unearthing the dark side of me, I learned the secret of ‘Who I am’ cannot be extant without genuinely admitting and embracing ‘who I used to be’.
I have served the church as a music director, a worship leader, a Bible teacher, and a preacher for both Korean-speaking and English-speaking congregations, old and young. I felt so blessed, but I realized that I was still yarning for something. It took me so long to discover the essence of this yarning.
I was in 3 countries in East Africa through 2 short-term mission trips, but I have been in a fugitive mode for many years since. Frankly speaking, I was afraid if I could not survive lifelong ministry in underdeveloped foreign countries even though God dynamically drove me during these short-term mission trips showing countless signs of his presence and power. If you want to call these miracles, then yes, I witnessed his miraculous works.
Entering year 2021, I started noticing the change in my response to the word “missions”. Uncertainty, fear, and apathy had taken most of the space in my room; however, SOMEBODY initiated the removal of these hindering elements from my room and filling it with something else. I sensed the undeniable sign of joy, expectation, passion, and hope springing out of my heart. I felt that the space in my heart was reaching to the critical point, and it was time to jump off the cliff for free fall.
I want to share the life in Christ with people who are underprivileged spiritually, socially, and economically.
I have been so blessed having lived in two great countries, the U.S. and South Korea nurtured in the bosom of the most caring and loving God. Now is the time to give back to others and to God.
Inherently, however, I am taking free fall for myself because I know I cannot continue to grow or even survive if I do not jump off the cliff to leave my comfort zone when I become numb and idling in there.
